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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636638">A Candlenights Carol</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxmoon/pseuds/halcyonhowl'>halcyonhowl (foxmoon)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventure Zone (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, M/M, Nightmares, Post Nightmare Cuddles, Post-Canon, Spooky, TAZ Candlenights Exchange 2020, Temporary Character Deaths, canon related memory issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:07:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636638</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxmoon/pseuds/halcyonhowl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's close to Candlenights, the first since the day of Story and Song, and Taako is having a terrible night. He can't sleep. It's freezing cold. And to make matters worse, he's visited by three familiar spirits who take him on a strange and unsettling journey through his past, present, and future.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Candlenights Carol</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/FifiMae/gifts">FifiMae</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Candlenights! This is my gift to @fluttershyfan12345 / FiFiMae. I hope you enjoy!! I was given an assortment of prompts and put together the ones I felt like I could do a good job with, so hopefully you will like it! </p><p>Additional Notes:<br/>- This fic hasn't been beta read, so all mistakes are mine.<br/>- This is inspired by A Christmas Carol, but isn't a direct AU.<br/>- My Spanish is rusty, so any mistakes there are mine too, lo siento. I welcome corrections if anything is off.<br/>- Special thank you to mcnuggyy for your valuable advice about Latine culture and Taako catchphrases. &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taako is asleep: to begin with. But there’s some doubt about that. The tips of his ears and nose feel like they’re going numb from cold. He tries to ignore it so he can keep sleeping, but an insistent icy gust blows across the room and makes his whole body shiver. His first thought is to murder whoever left the window open in the dead of winter. His second thought is he’s going to double murder them. But since nobody is here to murder, or shut the window for him, he shuffles out of bed and over to do it himself, blankets still wrapped around him like a cocoon. </p><p>The snowy world outside transfixes him momentarily. Errant snowflakes drift in through the open window to melt on the sill as they land. Moonlight streams brightly through a break in the clouds, and makes the ground shimmer. He supposes it’s peaceful. He slams the window shut. The curtains flutter softly to stillness, and the silence that follows is uncomfortable and strange.</p><p>Kravitz has been gone a long time after a bounty. <em> Weeks. </em> A month? Probably more. He had to take Barry and Lup with him, too, so the house they all share has been extra quiet, and therefore Taako has been extra worried. More than he’d admit to anyone, even the cats. Kravitz has a dangerous job, but he’s powerful. And with Lup and Barry at his side—virtually unstoppable. Usually that reassures Taako. This time, though, they had all been rather serious before they left. No jokes, no goofs. They had maps and notes spread out on the dining table even, and eventually took it all down to Barry’s lab. </p><p>When pressed, Lup mentioned that some nasty nightmarish ghoul who’d been locked away for a thousand years broke free recently with the help of an obsessed acolyte. Kravitz said he had personally put the guy away all those centuries ago, and would see to it that he was returned.</p><p>Taako didn’t think much of it at first, but Kravitz had kissed him long and slow before he left, like he wanted to put the feel of it to memory. Like he was worried for Taako specifically. But the weeks passed and nothing strange happened.</p><p>Guest lectures and public appearances to promote his new brand helped pass the time. He also met up with Angus for impromptu magic lessons, and wandered down to see what Merle and Magnus were up to. But Taako’s alone now with the cats, and even they seem to have scattered, seeking out warmer places in the house. Not that he can blame them. Even with the window now closed, the room is so cold he might as well sleep on the snow.</p><p>He squints at the window suspiciously. <em> Who </em> could have left it open? The wind picks up and makes the house creak and snap. He must have. <em> Idiot wizard. </em> A stronger gust follows, taking the moonlight with it as more clouds roll in. Taako digs through the closet for another blanket to add to the bed. He considers starting up a fire in the hearth, but that takes more effort than he feels like he can manage. Besides he’s already tucking himself away under the blankets. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“<em> ¡Despierta, Taako! </em>”</p><p>Taako opens an eye. It’s dark. Strangely, his elven eyesight isn’t helping him discern clear features, but there is definitely a person hovering over him. He shrinks back from the stranger and readies a magic missile, three darts of energy glowing in his palm.</p><p>“Whoa, bro, it’s me!” says a youthful, feminine voice in a language no one has spoken to him since childhood. That alone triggers something within him to well up, but he’s too confused to let it overtake him.</p><p>Taako peers. “<em> ¿Quién es? </em>” </p><p>The spell in his palm illuminates the colorful details of her features—hazel-green eyes, dark brown hair woven into two plaits. The light golden brown of her skin, and that mole under her left eye like he has under his right. Eerily similar to his own appearance as a youth, before he started experimenting with magic hair dye. He feels his own hair, and it’s that flippy, chin-length mess he had as an orphaned youth. He swallows thickly and stares at the person. It’s almost like he’s looking at his reflection at the bottom of a deep well, but it moves in ways he isn’t. </p><p>“You have three seconds to back the fuck up,” he grinds out through clenched teeth.</p><p>“Or what, you’ll throw marbles at me? <em> ¡Vamos, Taako! </em>”</p><p>Taako blinks and looks at his hand. Resting on his palm are three glowing marbles. Their glow fades as if by perceiving them they lose power, and the ambient light from his surroundings takes over. Dim moonlight shines through colorful curtains, and a lantern’s glow from outside spills under the door. He bolts upright and smacks his head on the ceiling above with a loud swear. After the ensuing moment of pain, he looks around. It’s a tiny space, much smaller than his bedroom should be. Every shelf and surface is cluttered: Tins, bottles,  cooking supplies, books, and scrolls of parchment. There’s a bunk above his, and a small table set under a small window.  </p><p>“¿Dónde estoy?” </p><p><em> “¿Qué?” </em>she asks, looking very confused.</p><p>But he knows where he is—the little caravan he lived in after his tía died. There shouldn’t be another bunk. His bed was higher, resting upon cabinets and crammed in the back. But no. He’s <em> inside </em> where, in his memory, the cabinets should be. </p><p>The girl makes a face at him. “You didn’t hit your head <em> that </em> hard.”</p><p>Taako ducks out from his bunk and rises to his feet. He’s wearing baggy pants and a long tunic, with a wide belt tied around his hunger-thin waist. The garments themselves are tatty and worn, but bear fine beaded embroidery along the hems. Something once lovingly and expertly made, but now so old it looks like rags. </p><p>It all feels too real to be a dream. Taako doesn’t want to be back here. The other members of the troupe would want him to start on the morning stew soon. That must be why this girl—another orphan tagalong like himself?—so rudely woke him up. Cooking and entertaining as compensation for shelter and protection. It was a fair exchange, but it’s <em> so early </em>. </p><p>Reluctantly, he follows her. She leaps off the doorway ledge, foregoing the rickety wooden stairs, and grins up at him after a slightly wobbly landing. He somehow knows that she expects him to do the exact same, only worse. So he does. But it’s <em> better </em>.</p><p>She pouts before turning away. “Show-off.”</p><p>He grins. “That’s how we do. Was<em> that </em>why you woke me up?”</p><p>The smile springs back to her face. “No way.”</p><p>It’s freezing cold outside, but there’s no snow on the ground. His breath comes in clouds, and he shivers. The thin soft-leather shoes he wears barely keep his feet warm. Ahead there is a bonfire, its flames send flickers of light around the hollow where his small caravan is parked with four others of varying sizes and designs. Music enters his perception next, joyous and familiar. Then the smell of something delicious simmering over the fire. It’s strange how the details form. As if his mind must gradually build his senses one at a time. </p><p>He looks up at the dark violet sky, alight with so many stars. A half moon hangs overhead. He remembers this night now. It’s not morning, it’s evening, and it’s Candlenights of all nights. Candlenights—Is that right? Something feels off about the name of it.<em> Midwinter? </em> Yes. Midwinter, as it’s also otherwise called, has never been his favorite holiday. He hid out in his caravan to escape the loud music and boisterous behavior of his traveling companions after putting on the stew earlier. It was the first Midwinter since his tía died. He didn’t feel much like celebrating.</p><p>The girl leads him over to the lake near where they had set up camp. She’s crouched on the ground, blocking his view of whatever she’s doing. When she stands, she raises her arms in a gesture of success.</p><p>“Stand back!” She runs backwards toward him, and that’s when he notices the light sparkling under the launching platform she’d rigged.</p><p>The sparkles vanish, and a hissing sound follows as a firework shoots upward. It explodes in a spray of green embers over the lake. The sound of it echoes, and the troupe at the bonfire all cheer. </p><p>“I finally got it to work!” She grins at him, and holds open her palm. A little dancing flame appears there. “See?”</p><p>“Hell yeah!” Taako smiles at her. “Hey, I’m learning magic, too.”</p><p>She makes a confused face at him. “Yeah, no shit…”</p><p>This memory is all wrong. She shouldn’t be here—but if that’s true, why does it hurt so much to look at her? He holds his head as he tries to pull the correct memory forward. He recalls going outside after the sound of the firework exploding woke him up. He was able to watch the rest, then had to serve up the stew before he could go back to sleep. Someone in the troupe had set it up, someone he never saw. </p><p>“Anyway, I nabbed more of ‘em so we can have a whole big show,” she says, and then proceeds to pull out more fireworks from where she’d stuck them in her belt without first putting out the fire spell in her palm.</p><p>Taako yelps and grabs her hand. He blows out the fire spell. “You’re gonna make us explode!”</p><p>The girl laughs. “Don’t worry, silly.” She gives him a big hug and says close to his ear, “I really wanted to cheer you up. Is it working?”</p><p>Taako hugs her back reflexively, but pulls away as the oddness of it all strikes him again. He wipes away wetness in his eyes. </p><p>“Uh, let’s see the others.”</p><p>The girl gives him an odd look. “...bueno.” </p><p>She heads back for the little launching area she cleared by the lake, and Taako frowns. This memory is supposed to be unbearably sad, with grief-heavy thoughts of his tía, the one person who provided him stability and warmth in his life, albeit temporary. But something about this girl being here is making him feel <em> happy </em> . As though she’s the only other person in the world who understands what he’s going through. As though he <em> hadn’t </em>been so utterly alone. His frown softens, and almost becomes a smile. </p><p>The girl quickly backs away like before with a shout of excitement. The fuses of several fireworks sparkle and reach the charge at varying times. They shoot upward one by one, and the dark sky is soon filled with fountains of color and light. <em> BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, </em> they resound across the lake, each a second after its respective firework explodes. </p><p>The girl claps and bounces happily. She looks back at him, red and gold and blue glinting in her hair. “¡Feliz Midwinter, Taako!” she says. </p><p>
  <em> Lup.  </em>
</p><p>His sister. How could he forget her? She had been there the whole time, filling in each strange void with her carefree presence. How can any creature in the universe be so powerful that it could take memories of her away from him? How could it happen twice?</p><p>The other members of their caravan cheer in the background and break into Midwinter songs as more fireworks shoot up into the sky.</p><p>Taako blinks away tears in his eyes. He looks from Lup back up to the sky in time to watch the last one explode. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Taako jolts up in a cold sweat, heart beating fast as hummingbird wings. <em> Just a dream. </em>It felt so real, so cruel, to not remember her again. He grips the blankets in his fists, tries to pull himself out from a panic spiral, but the heavy loneliness of the past few weeks makes it more difficult. He gets up and paces, hoping that setting his feet on the ground will help. Where are those fuckin’ cats when he needs them? </p><p>It’s only been a few months since the memories returned. This isn’t his first nightmare of the sort, but it is the most vivid one. <em> Breathe, you dipshit. Just breathe. </em> He exhales after his pacing leads him back to his bedside, and slides under the blankets. For a time, the ceiling seems like a good target to glare at. He replays the memory as it should be, sealing over the fiction with what was real. Lup waking him. Lup urging him to come outside. Lup lighting the fireworks. Lup smiling back at him.</p><p>Still a little on edge, he turns to his side. The stone of farspeech sits on his bedside table, and he almost reaches for it to call her. But it was just a dream, and she doesn’t need to worry about him when she’s the one out there hunting some demonic horror. Also, he’s not a damn baby. If he can handle a universe-destroying enigma, he can handle this. He closes his eyes as if to say fuck you to the very concept of nightmares. </p><p><em> “How does it feel?” </em> rasps an echoing voice.</p><p>Taako’s eyes open. He sits up. It <em> feels </em> like he’s been asleep for five seconds, he wants to say. The clock on the wall reads that only a half hour has passed.</p><p><em> Wait. </em> That’s not where his clock is supposed to be. <em> Nothing’s </em> where it’s supposed to be, but everything is where it <em> used </em> to be. Taako groans and rolls his eyes with all the drama this deserves. Again, the room is different, but this time it’s his dorm room on the moon base. Damn was he a messy sonofabitch back then, clothes and adventure gear everywhere. That’s the least of his worries, though. Hovering in the open space between his bed and the door is the ghostly form of the Red Robe. </p><p>Taako freezes. This—this didn’t happen at all, he’s pretty sure. The Red Robe has no discernable face within the black depths of the red cowl, but he thinks he can see smoldering eye sockets. Like glasses reflecting faint light from somewhere. <em> That’s </em> familiar. Glasses, red robes, something about that voice. Taako tries to focus on the thread in his mind that ties a name, <em> a person </em>, to this phantom, but it slips away before he can grasp it. He rubs his eyes to dispel the vision to no avail.</p><p>“Can’t you at least bother me after I get some sleep?” Taako says with a slight whine. “Comin’ in here like some bootleg Jacob Marley.”</p><p>The Red Robe rasps something unintelligible that might have been a laugh or an insult. There’s a pause, and then it repeats its earlier statement. “How does it feel? You defeated the Hunger. You’re a hero, Taako. How does it feel to have all the glory and adoration you’ve ever wanted? Do you feel remorse for all of the people you shut out along the way to attain it?” </p><p>“Not at all, baby. That’s how I got it done.” </p><p>“I see. You hide your true emotions behind a guise of brutal honesty. You’ve come to believe your own façade. Do you truly <em> want </em> people to stop caring about you?” </p><p>Taako snorts. “Listen, if you’re here to teach me a lesson, can we get on with it? I’m having a bad night here and this ain’t helping.”</p><p>“Very well. Come with me. I want to show you something,” the Red Robe says in its strange, echoey voice.</p><p>“I’m not followin’ you for shit, my dude. You wanna say something you can say it right here.” </p><p>There’s a long, weary sigh. “Fine.” Then it looks over Taako’s shoulder as if seeing something beyond him. It points with a hand that’s void-black and sparks with phantom energy.</p><p>Taako follows the gesture and it appears as though his entire bed has been moved into another room. He sees Angus in a moonbase dorm with... Lucretia. They’re at the kitchen area, ingredients spread out on the counters—almond flour, eggs, sugar, and others. Angus is trying to hold up a piping bag full of batter to squeeze out little circles on a baking sheet. Lucretia guides him on what to do next and is holding a copy of the <em> Sizzle It Up With Taako </em> cookbook.</p><p>“Once you have them all piped out, let them sit for thirty minutes,” Lucretia reads aloud. “Don’t forget to tap the tray on the counter a few times to get out the air bubbles, or—” she sighs. “I’ll leave out his profane editorializing.”</p><p>“You can read it, Madam Director,” Angus says, “I actually like it because I feel like he’s in the room with me.”</p><p>“Very well.” She resumes reading the instruction, “<em> or they’ll be fucking ruined, you amateur. Throw them in the garbage and start over. Nobody makes shitty macarons on my watch </em>.”</p><p>“He’s very proud of his recipes.” Angus pulls away from the last circle of batter and smiles. “There.” </p><p>Taako’s eyes feel wet, but it’s probably from the dry air. “Tap the tray, mijo,” he whispers.</p><p>Angus does so. Taako beams.</p><p>“What do you see?” asks the Red Robe.</p><p>Taako’s proud expression dissolves before it’s perceived. “I see a disaster waiting to happen.”</p><p>“<em> Really, </em>Taako? He’s just a kid.” </p><p>It’s that gruff and irritated change of tone that hits the right synapse in Taako’s brain. “Baaarry,” he drawls, “those are the macarons Lup blasts to smithereens from the umbrella, if I recall.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Well, nevermind that. Dammit, Taako, you’re supposed to see two people who care about you doing something nice and thoughtful, because they love you. Bet you didn’t even know Lucretia helped him.”</p><p>Taako didn’t know that. And yeah, of course he picks up on what Barry’s saying, but he’s trying to ignore the way this whole scene makes his chest feel tight. “Ugh. Is that the big lesson? That I’m loved? You think I didn’t know that? Everybody loves Taako.”</p><p>“So why’d you keep pushing them away?”</p><p>Taako shrugs. “That’s the past, my man. What’s all this got to do with now? Shouldn’t you be showing me something happening right now that’ll make me realize I’ve been a big asshole?”</p><p>Red Robe Barry makes a circular gesture with his hand, and the scene changes. Taako—and his bed—are now in the midst of a large study with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves flanking a large desk. Lucretia sits at the desk writing in a journal, a cup of steaming tea in her other hand. Now this is definitely the present. It’s her study at the new bureau headquarters in Neverwinter, and she’s wearing the updated Benevolence robes with seven scarlet birds embroidered around the Balance symbol. Her hair is in its current style—tight ivory curls grown out a bit longer and braided in cornrows along one side. </p><p>There’s a knock at the door, and she sets down the tea. “Come in.”</p><p>“Evening, Madam Director. We’ve received several RSVPs for the Candlenights Gala,” a voice says. A new bureau employee perhaps.</p><p>“Oh, excellent. Please bring them in. Thank you.”</p><p>The person walks in and sets a stack down on Lucretia’s desk. They leave shortly after.</p><p>Taako sucks through his teeth. “You’re really gonna show me this, Barry?”</p><p>He nods once.</p><p>Taako sighs. He watches in agitation as Lucretia sifts through the RSVP envelopes, and finds one in particular. She opens it with a hopeful eagerness that twists a knife in Taako’s side. He looks away so he doesn’t have to see her dejection. Of course he’s not going to her fucking Candlenights Gala. That doesn’t mean he wants to revel in her hurt feelings over it.</p><p>“Happy now?” Red Robe Barry says. “This is happening as we speak.”</p><p>“Yeah I’m fuckin’ estatic. She’ll get over it.” Like she expects him to get over taking Lup and his memories away. His ears twitch when he hears Barry’s heavy, phantom sigh.</p><p>Footsteps follow, echoing across the wooden study floor. He still refuses to look. Then a door slams shut.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Despite the slam echoing in his brain, Taako is slower to stir from sleep this time. His consciousness feels heavy, like it might sink back into slumber at any moment, but he doesn’t feel safe doing that anymore. He props up on an elbow and reluctantly takes in his surroundings. He’s back in the room he shares with Kravitz, but that’s scarcely a comfort. It’s still <em> unnaturally </em> freezing cold. The blizzard is <em> still </em>whipping snow and sleet against the house. The dream was less panic-making, but he was already raw from the first one, so this one was like salt in the wounds. </p><p>He considers calling Barry this time. Barry would possibly freak out a little bit, but he wouldn’t make a huge deal if Taako told him not to. There’s no need to make Kravitz or Lup worry. He listens to the storm outside. What started as a nice fluffy snowfall is turning into something more treacherous. Not the sort of weather he wants to suffer alone. He never does call Barry.</p><p>He gets out of bed to start up a fire in the hearth, because it’s so cold he can see his breath and maybe it’ll bring the cats back into the room. He waves his hand, and a prestidigitation flame spreads across the logs like liquid. But it’s weak and low, and eventually fades to nothing. He tries again, and the same thing happens. He frowns. It’s a cantrip for fuck’s sake, what gives? The wand is back on the bedside table, and there’s a staff leaning against the nearby wall. He really doesn’t want to have to cast fireball into his fireplace, but he’s deeply considering it.</p><p>Then Taako notices a shape forming in the room with him. A shadow black as ink and blacker still. It’s vaguely person-sized, but not particularly person-shaped. His heart leaps nevertheless. The edges do look a bit like robes if he squints. </p><p>“Kravitz?” </p><p>The shadow’s form diffuses and spreads until it consumes the whole corner. It flows out over the ceiling, floor, and walls, into the room itself and envelopes him in cold, like plunging into icy water. There’s something metal that glints in the depths of it, something else like bone. Then the darkness clears and he sees a moonlit grave under spindly branches of a naked tree. There are more headstones all around, rising through a rolling fog, and the temple silhouette looms not far away. It’s all a bit too cliche, a bit too Fantasy Halloween, to spook him. Not to mention, his boyfriend <em>is</em> Death. Half of their house looks like this. He just hates that he’s still in his pajamas.</p><p>A black-robed figure stands by the grave holding a scythe with one hand, and pointing to the grave with the other. Black energy flows down the edges of his robes like vapor, trailing off into nearby shadows. A hood is pulled low to hide his face, but Taako knows who this is. He’d recognize the shape of those shoulders anywhere, the way he holds his posture.</p><p>Before approaching him, Taako conjures a clear image of Kravitz in his mind--of his actual face, handsome and kind, not wanting it to fade. Not wanting to forget who he is like he forgot Barry and Lup at first in his previous dreams. He takes a deep breath, then addresses him. </p><p>“Kravitz, can you—can you, uh, fill me in on what’s going on here?” He tries to hide how his hands shake by clenching them into fists.</p><p>The hooded figure does not look toward him, but points again at the nearby gravestone.</p><p>“You—that’s you, right?” The words like a desperate plea in the quiet night. He’s never been the praying sort, but he’s close to giving it a try. “Bones? ...Krav?” When Kravitz still doesn’t acknowledge him, Taako finally looks toward the gravestone.</p><p>It’s weathered, but appears decades rather than centuries old. The epitaph is still mostly legible. It reads:  <em> Here Lies Magnus Burnsides. Protector of the Innocent. Beloved husband, friend, and dog father. </em>Next to it is Julia’s grave, and other small graves surround them. Their dogs perhaps. </p><p>Taako swallows around what feels like a stone in his throat. He’s seen Magnus die several times, and that was hard enough. But this is a kind of finality—gods damn him for being a human. He rounds up the brimming emotions with a little difficulty. “So we’re in the future this time. That, ah, tracks.” He turns to look at Kravitz again, but he’s suddenly farther away, hovering before another gravestone. His black robes trail behind, dark mist flowing off the edges as if caught in a phantom wind. </p><p>Taako walks down the dirt path leading to the other grave, his footsteps sounding so loud in the quiet cemetery. There’s a flutter of wings in the tree, and black shapes move around from branch to branch. He comes to stand next to Death, trying to no longer think of him as Kravitz. It hurts less that way, with his acknowledgement of Taako threadbare at best.</p><p>He follows Death’s pointing hand. This one is Lucretia’s grave. And nearby he sees a grave for Davenport, and another for Merle. He can’t bear to read their epitaphs. He knows they’re all beloved, and what makes them beloved, like he knows how to make a perfect beef bourguignon. It’s Angus’s grave, however, that finally makes him break. He chokes out a whimper and turns away.</p><p>“Show me mine, then,” he says, feigning indifference. “That’s how this goes, right?” He rounds on Death, but Death is gone. </p><p>Though he tries to stay detached, Taako’s chest aches with sorrow. This can’t be real. It’s <em> not </em>. It’s a nightmare. A real fucking bad one. But everything else—Lup with fireworks, Angus and Lucretia making him macarons, him rejecting Lucretia’s invitation—had really happened. What would make this any different?</p><p>He kicks at the path, scattering pebbles and dirt. If there’s a lesson here, he’s not understanding it. In fact, it’s doing more to piss him off than anything. Yeah, he pushed people away in the past. He’s been indifferent and unkind. That’s because as far back as childhood, he knew he shouldn’t presume up front that other people can be a source of unconditional comfort and security. Except for Lup. Then by some beautifully strange twist of fate, he ended up with a big family and felt safe and happy (relatively, some of those years were fuckin’ hard) for a hundred years. But now he has the memory fossils of what it’s like to<em> not </em> have Lup by his side, to <em> not </em> have his family, and it is fucking him up. </p><p>He spots Death again, farther away from everyone else, standing like a grim sentinel over a single gravestone. </p><p>Taako wants to ignore him and take off. See where else this nightmare goes. He’s too much of a coward for that--he doesn’t want to know how this could get worse. Despondent, he crosses the distance to where Death awaits. Ravens croak at him from the tree as he passes, and he shoots them a glare. He reaches Death, and is about to say something cutting when he notices that he’s standing before an open, empty grave, its headstone inscribed with: <em> Known Unto Fate. </em></p><p>Taako’s stomach drops like he’s already falling into the hole, but his feet remain on the ground. So he dies with no one knowing who he is? <em> Horse </em>shit. He’s not even this cruel to himself. </p><p>“Fuck this,” he says, and glares up at Death. “Fuck you.”</p><p>Death finally looks to him. </p><p>He has Kravitz’s face, but his expression is the very definition of indifferent. A skull would have been kinder. His red eyes glow, and he says nothing as he moves to push Taako into the open grave with his scythe.</p><p>Taako yelps. He grits his teeth as he grabs hold of the scythe to push back. “Kravitz! It’s me!”</p><p>Death’s eyes bore through Taako’s, unfeeling, and he pushes harder. </p><p>“<em> Please </em>see me!” </p><p>Taako sidesteps, lets momentum carry Death past him, robes trailing mist as he goes. He gains some leverage with that, and scrambles further out of the way. But he slips, and his foot slides into the grave. Loosened dirt scatters down the earthen walls. He digs his fingers into the ground and uses the roots of the tree to pull himself free of the near-fall.</p><p>Death looms over him, scythe rising.</p><p>“W-wait! W-we said we’d have a chapel! A mausoleum! Remember?” Taako urges, ducking away from a swipe of the blade. He darts behind the tree. Raven wings flap overhead as the birds take flight. They circle and call noisily. </p><p>Death continues to pursue him.</p><p>Taako gasps out his words. “I said... like hell... I’d be buried like a… like a nobody, right? Statues...! Vaulted ceilings!” </p><p>Death grabs his arm from around the tree, and his grip is so strong that Taako can’t move. The tree is trapped between them. Death brings the scythe around, the curve of the blade closing in on his throat. Taako struggles, turns his head from it feebly. Tree Bark tears at his clothes.</p><p>“Y-you said we can make a statue of us cuddling for our coffin lid. And I said ‘that’s ridiculous as fuck’ and you laughed because you knew that meant I loved the shit out of it. S-so this can’t be my grave! You said wouldn’t let people throw me in a dinky graveyard!”</p><p>The more he elaborated, the more hesitant Death seemed, scythe hovering, grip loosening. </p><p>“You said... you wouldn’t let people forget me,” Taako tries again.</p><p>At last Death fully lets go of Taako, and grips the scythe more like a staff. He frowns, glances off to the side. There’s a little line forming between his brows, and he looks so lost. </p><p>
  <em> Kravitz... </em>
</p><p>Taako<em> loves </em> him. So, so much. He jumps up and throws his arms around him. </p><p>“Please remember me,” Taako whispers, urgent, weak. <em> “Please.” </em></p><p>“Taako,” Kravitz says.</p><p>Taako keeps his face burrowed against his shoulder, into the soft fabric of his robes. He smells like marigolds and copal resin. Scents of funerals and death festivals filled with anguish and joy and love for the departed. The scythe clatters to the ground. </p><p>Then Kravitz springs to action. His arms wrap around Taako and squeeze him like an octopus. “Taako! You’re—I found you!”</p><p>Taako yelps, this time in surprise. “Yes! I mean, what?” He looks at Kravitz, confused. “I found <em> you </em>!”</p><p>Kravitz captures Taako’s face in his palms. “Wake up! <em> Please </em>, wake up!” There’s more worry in his eyes than Taako has ever seen. It almost makes him smile, but he feels so, so...</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Taako startles awake with a gasp, like surfacing from underwater. It takes a few moments for his senses to latch on to reality, for they all come rushing in at once. He’s half lying on a cold, hard stone slab. Overhead is bare earth, and all around are alcoves full of old bones. He smells smoke, incense, the ozone scent of certain spell effects. There are worried voices that echo like he’s in a cavern. Scrapes and scuffles—the sounds of movement. Someone is holding him, <em> cradling </em> him against their chest. </p><p>“Kravitz,” Taako says weakly.</p><p>Kravitz is out of breath in a tender way that isn’t necessary but means he’s been so frightened he forgot he doesn’t need to breathe. He lifts his head to search Taako’s eyes. </p><p>“Taako,” he says, overjoyed, eyes shiny with tears.</p><p>Kravitz looks like he’s been through hell. A split lip, large scrape over his eye, robes singed and torn. His suit collar is ripped open slightly where a slash on his shoulder weeps blood. His dreadlocks had been pulled back in a bun, but now several were loose and hanging around his face. He winces as he brings Taako up to kiss his forehead.</p><p>Taako slides his arms around Kravitz with secret revelry in being held and cherished. Nothing feels like this—Kravitz’s firm embrace, his enduring love. There’s still the faint scent of marigolds and copal resin tucked into the folds of his robes, a Grim Reaper thing that’ll never go away. Mostly he smells like sweat. Taako still wants to kiss him all over. But he has an audience and zero energy, so he plays it cool and pats his back. </p><p>“I’m <em> fine </em> , you’re the one who looks— <em> woof </em>. What—what happened to you? Can’t you… heal…” Taako’s consciousness begins to slip, the world going fuzzy around the edges. He mouths what he wants to say next but his body can’t seem to push out the sounds. </p><p>“Stay with me, Taako.” Kravitz draws a small bulb-shaped vial—healing potion—from his robes and pulls the cork with his teeth. </p><p>Taako allows him to tip the contents into his mouth. A warm tingly sensation spreads throughout his body. Takes the edge off of an impending migraine caused by all that psychic damage. It brings him back from the cusp of unconsciousness, but he definitely couldn’t do a backflip right now.</p><p>Kravitz helps Taako sit up fully. He blinks, orienting himself. Torches on the walls flicker in the darkness, illuminating piles of broken skeletons on the ground. A white-robed body lies crumpled among them, and above the body hovers a white-robed spectre in shackles. Holding those shackles is Lup. Taako’s heart swells at the sight of her. </p><p>She smiles, teary-eyed, also scraped up and grime-smudged from an evidently difficult fight. “Taako, I’d drop this fool and give you the biggest hug, but I’m afraid I’ve got a live one here.” Her ghostly captive struggles in her bindings and gets a proper zap for it. </p><p>Barry stands beside her, equally scuffed-up, holding the shackles of a ragged black-robed phantom. This one looks far more ghastly than the other—eyes hollow, spectral skin patchy and shriveled to all hell. He’s floating over an array of symbols hastily drawn on the floor in the dirt. Some sort of failsafe ward perhaps. His stillness is unnerving, so Taako looks away, back to Lup.</p><p>“Mind filling me in on what the fuck’s going on here?”</p><p>“You got brother-napped by these two nasty creeps,” Lup says.</p><p>“When!?”</p><p>“We think the enchanter posed as a student during one of your guest lectures,” Kravitz says. “Possibly stopped you after to get your autograph.”</p><p>“But I’m sure you had so many of those,” Lup teases.</p><p>“Oh, natch.”</p><p>“She had you trapped in a powerful nightmare spell,” Barry explains. “She was feeding you various illusions all at once, and we had to find ways to break into them. Some were working for you and others weren’t, like she was rotating through a ring of keys to figure out which one would break a lock. When one fit, it created a channel through which this necromancer could feed on your pain and fear, your life force, to rejuvenate himself. They had plans to do this to all of us to revive his old disciples.”</p><p>“Yeah, they figured our entire century of non stop dying and fleeing the Hunger would be one powerful meal,” Lup adds. “They could wake up hundreds of minions. Kind of a badass plan, gotta hand it to ‘em.”</p><p>Kravitz gives a long-suffering sigh. “<em> Please </em> don’t get any ideas.”</p><p>“You don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. We’re enjoying the new job too much, aren’t we, dear?” She grins over to Barry.</p><p>“Oh yeah, we’re learning a lot.”</p><p>“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Kravitz says low, intending it only for Taako. He then addresses Lup and Barry. “You still haven’t earned your scythes yet, so jot that down.”</p><p>Barry and Lup share a furtive glance. </p><p>“Noted, bud,” Barry says. “Don’t worry.”</p><p>“So, they started with me, huh?” Taako says. “Any idea why?”</p><p>Lup and Barry exchange another glance, but this one is more troubling.</p><p>“Let’s get you home first, love,” Kravitz says. “We’ll explain the rest later. We need to get them to the Stockade as soon as possible.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lup says, “Taako, I wanna hug you so much, but I gotta split. Your man’s got you. Barry and I will check with you later, kay?”</p><p>Taako nods once. “Yeah, go give ‘em hell.” He turns his attention back to Kravitz. “Can’t you heal yourself?” He touches his face, the pad of his thumb gently brushes over the non-split side of his lip.</p><p>“I’m low on energy. Plus I do believe you said once that you think I look hot when I’m a little scraped up.”</p><p>Taako laughs weakly. “That’s true. I said that. But that’s because I’d like to kiss it better and I can’t do that right now, because I’m gonna fuckin’ pass out.”</p><p>Kravitz smiles and closes his eyes as they lean in to rest their foreheads together. “Hang in there for a little longer, please.” </p><p>“Guys,” Lup says, “I’d say get a room, but we kinda need you to slice us off a piece of that interdimensional rift magic before you do.”</p><p>“Of course.” Kravitz then pulls away and collects his scythe from where he had rested it against the slab. He slices a large rift to the Astral plane for Barry and Lup to step through. They do so, their captive ghosts trailing behind like creepy balloons. The rift knits closed with a shimmer behind them.</p><p>Kravitz slices the blade through the air to create another portal. Their bedroom lies on the other side, glimmering through the rift magic. “My shoulder’s injured; I can’t carry you. Think you can manage?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” </p><p>Taako gingerly lowers himself down from the slab, but his legs wobble and he almost collapses. Kravitz braces him with his arm, and together, they step through the portal. The portal mends itself closed once they pass through into their bedroom. </p><p>Kravitz helps Taako over to the bed and under the blankets. Taako’s so bone weary and feeble that he lets it all happen. But before Kravitz can move away, he reaches up to pull him down for a kiss. It’s soft, but lingers, and Taako’s fingers curl into his robes.</p><p>“Stay,” Taako says, after the kiss, voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere. One moment, though. Let me put on a fire.” </p><p>“Mmhm.”</p><p>Kravitz’s robes fade away with a wave of his hand. A wash of celestial energy infuses him, and his suit begins to mend itself—bloodstains recede and tatters stitch back together. His injuries are taking a bit longer to mend, but he looks a lot better. </p><p>As Kravitz works on building a fire in the hearth, Taako drifts closer and closer to sleep. It’s still not coming easy for him, not after all the nightmares. His senses remain heightened for strange changes in temperature or sounds of ice against the window pane. </p><p>At last, Kravitz returns to the bed, now wearing pajamas, and slides in next to Taako. </p><p>Taako turns and tucks himself facing Kravitz. “You acted like you didn’t know me, then you tried to throw me in a grave. I hated it.” His tone is accusatory. Not the sort of way to talk to someone who’s taking care of you. He’s tired and irritable and Kravitz would get that.</p><p>Kravitz pulls him close. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it sooner.”</p><p>“Not your fault,” Taako says, words muffled.</p><p>Taako doesn’t say that forgetting Lup again was worse. He doesn’t want to talk about that at all. It has taken a lot of work over the past few months to open up the seams of his memories and stitch layers of her back into place. While they had all flooded back in, they didn’t settle easily. They slipped around, sometimes he could still feel the static through them. Like a parallax effect in his own brain. Lucretia <em> had </em> said it would take time, and how they’d inoculated themselves all at once could have detrimental effects. She obviously didn’t want it to go that way, but it had happened before she could stop them. </p><p>
  <em> Lucretia. </em>
</p><p>Taako closes his burning eyes, letting the tears seep out. On that day he got one sister back, but felt like he lost the other. The world-saving had to take the foreground, but there had never been time to talk to Lucretia since. Not that he has attempted to make any time. He tries to cry quietly, teeth clenched, because he’s too weak to stop it all together. He’s also too tired to cry for very long, but as Kravitz nuzzles him and begins to rub his back, the tears just keep falling. It’s amazing what being held by someone you love does for you.</p><p>Eventually Kravitz’s touch soothes him to contentment, and he falls into a dreamless sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Taako is still in Kravitz’s arms when he wakes. Kravitz looks upward in thought, idly running his fingertips through Taako’s unbraided hair as he does. All five cats are cradled in various places around them. It’s cozy and nice.</p><p>“Hi,” Taako says with a stretch, making a couple of the cats stir and also stretch.</p><p>Kravitz looks down at him and smiles. “You’re finally awake.”</p><p>“How long was I out?”</p><p>“You were in and out for about three days.”</p><p><em> “What?!” </em>Taako props up on an elbow and winces at the throb in his head. Other cats stir and hop off the bed at his outburst.</p><p>“Careful.”</p><p>“You held me in your arms for <em> three days?” </em> Taako says, more in wonder than incredulity. But there <em> was </em> some incredulity. “You sap.”</p><p>“Uh… ” Kravitz’s smile turns sheepish. “No. Would you have wanted that?”</p><p>“Makes no difference to me, apparently I was <em> out. </em> As long as no one else tried to.”</p><p>“No. I stayed with you as long as I could, though. When I felt like you’d be safe, Lup and Barry stepped in so I could get some work done. I had to process the bounties and deal with the trial. We took turns keeping watch over you. Lots of folks asked if you’re okay. Magnus stayed over once. Davenport said he’d like to talk to you when you’re up to it. He and Merle were here this morning.” Then he adds, hesitantly. “Lucretia, too.”</p><p>Taako falls silent for a moment, hearing that. “Well, that’s nice of them.”</p><p>“Angus is here now, actually. I left him downstairs doing some homework with Lup so I could come up and take a nap with you.”</p><p>Taako narrows his eyes. “That kid’s aiming to surpass my magical prowess. You shouldn’t let him study here, especially not with my <em> sister </em>.”</p><p>“Taako, when that happens for real, you’re going to be the proudest of all of us.”</p><p>“If that happens.<em> If </em>. Now lemme up. I need to take a fuckin’ shower.”</p><p>“Yeah, prestidigitation baths will only go so far,” Kravitz says, holding his nose.</p><p>Taako shoves at him. “Terrible man.”</p><p>Kravitz laughs and laughs, like he <em> really </em> needed it. This whole thing had to be hard for him. The tireless searching, the deadly battle, the paperwork. Taako watches him crack up with a lovesick sideways smile—the eye crinkles, how he always puts a hand on his forehead. It does wonders for his ego and his mood. First thing he’s gonna do after he cleans up is cook a feast for him. </p><p>Taako tries to get to his feet but wobbles unsteadily.</p><p>Kravitz puts an arm out for him to grasp. “Hold on, you’ll need some help in there.” </p><p>“You just wanna see me naked,” Taako quips as he grabs Kravitz’s arm to steady himself, then lets it go just as fast. “I’m <em> fine </em>. I can give myself a fuckin’ shower.”</p><p>Kravitz looks like he’s struggling over what to argue about first. He slides out of bed to join him. “I missed you,” he says with a kiss on Taako’s shoulder. “Rotten man. Let me help.”</p><p>Taako snorts and leans against him. How could he say no to that? </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Three days later, Taako stands with Kravitz, Lup, and Barry outside of the Neverwinter Bureau of Benevolence headquarters. Snowflakes drift softly around them as they wait under the glow of a gaslamp. Festive music and laughter spills out into the night--most guests have already arrived. Other than the clip-clop of a couple of horse drawn carriages passing by, the area is quiet in anticipation of heavier snowfall. </p><p>Taako regards the entrance doors, and their gaudy Candlenights decorations, as a sort of crossroads. He isn’t nervous about going in so much, he’s just not sure what he’ll do or say when he does. In there he’s exposed. It’s warmer and he’ll be among friends, but they’ll make a big deal of him being there. Out here, the cold and quiet protect him. No one knows he’s here. He could walk away, safe from their expectations of forgiveness. </p><p>Taako adjusts the bundle of presents in his arms. “This doesn’t mean that I forgive her.” </p><p>“I know,” Kravitz says. “I think she knows that, too.”</p><p>“It just means I…” he sighs, not knowing how to finish the thought.</p><p>Kravitz situates the presents he’s carrying so he can put an arm around Taako. “We can leave whenever you need to—”</p><p>“—We can leave now,” Lup interjects.</p><p>Kravitz nods. “The things other people expect of you… that’s on them, not you. You have to process things in your own time, and that might not work for everyone, but it’ll work for the people who really love you.”</p><p>“I believe Lucy’s one of them,” Lup adds. “That said, going here should be important for <em> your </em> ability to heal, not theirs. Or ours.”</p><p>“Yeah and, like, this is heavy stuff, Taako,” Barry says. “I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.”</p><p>Taako nods and is quiet for a time, letting their words sink in. The idea of taking his ball and going home is extremely tempting. He’s also one hundo percent certain that these three people are the ones he loves most in the world. But on the other side of those doors are <em> more </em>people he loves. Magnus, Davenport, Merle, Angus. And yeah, even Lucretia. He’ll hold these thoughts very close to his chest, though. They can’t know how hard it has been for him to adjust, to reconcile needing them close as they were in the Starblaster and knowing they can’t be in the same way anymore. They accomplished what they set out to do. Now it’s time to live their lives, whatever that means.</p><p>“Hey, you guys never told me why they picked me first,” Taako says.</p><p>Kravitz tilts his head. “You want to go over that now?”</p><p>“Yeah, in case it helps, I dunno... guide me. I’m feelin’ a bit conflicted.”</p><p>A steely expression passes over Kravitz’s features. He looks over to Lup and Barry as if trying to assess where they stand on telling him. “They were messed up, Taako. What they were doing shouldn’t mean anything more to you than that.”</p><p>“Must be pretty bad, huh? Well, don’t protect me from reality. I’m a big boy.”</p><p>“All right,” Lup says. She walks over to him, scuffing her boots in the fine layer of snow to create long tracks. “The enchantress still believed that you poisoned her parents in Glamour Springs. That made her hate you, and by hating you she hates all of us.”</p><p>Taako flinches at that, then rolls his eyes. “Oh. That all? Sucks to be dead wrong, I guess.”</p><p>“That doesn’t bother you?” Barry asks.</p><p>“Listen, compadres, she’s the one who didn’t do her fuckin’ research before she decided to ressurect demons from hell.”</p><p>Kravitz smiles apprehensively. “Fair enough. And we’ll do our best to rehabilitate her soul. I think it’s possible, though the necromancer she idolized is another story.”</p><p><em> That smile. </em>Taako lets his eyes wander over Kravitz briefly. The snowflakes settling on his hair and shoulders make his stomach swoop. He also said some words that were probably good, but he’s distracted by a huge urge to kiss him. Kravitz went through a lot to save him. Lup and Barry too. He may not let a lot of people in, but the ones he does let in are top tier.</p><p>“I’m going in,” Taako says, and starts walking.</p><p>Kravitz catches Taako’s hand with his free one, and Taako stops. He searches Taako’s eyes, working through some profound-seeming emotion. Then tips forward and kisses Taako softly. Taako’s stomach flips like he’s freefalling straight into an ocean of marshmallow fluff. It’s exactly what he wanted right now, but he drops half of the presents in his arms and they have to spend a few moments picking them up and brushing off snowflakes. Lup throws a snowball at them that rains wet, icy powder on their necks, adding insult to injury. A mini snowball fight ensues, and their laughter echoes around the city block. Barry calls them to order, indicating that someone has opened a door for them at the bureau after hearing their racket.</p><p>They shake off the snow and head up the stairs for the main doorway. The bureau employee welcomes them inside with a bright smile. Warmth and celebration immediately overwhelms Taako. Everything is beautifully swathed in red and gold light, and cinnamon spice hangs in the air. It’s almost too much. This is a liminal space; looking at it that way helps. A liminal space filled with candles and gifts and a few elements of permanence--<em> friends. </em>Family. He can make it through this.</p><p>Gifts are distributed, small talk is expertly avoided, and some hugs are allowed (namely the one from Angus). Though he doesn’t speak directly to Lucretia, she seems in better spirits than how she appeared in the nightmare. There, she’d seemed a little sad, and a lot frustrated, upon seeing that he declined. Now, she moves through the crowd with a soft smile that makes her dark brown eyes shine. They do exchange a glance across the distance, and he musters a smile in return. It’s the best he can do right now.</p><p>Taako finds Kravitz again after making the social rounds, and they settle on a sofa by the enormous fireplace. It’s decorated like a grand altar in a great hall with ceilings higher than god intended, but still manages to shed a cozy aura. By its glow, the tips of his ears and nose are warm, and he settles against Kravitz with a contented sigh. No one bothers them, they know better. When he inevitably dozes off with his head leaning on Kravitz’s shoulder, his dreams are remarkably dull. </p>
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